It was a privilege to participate with UH Law Students in their family law negotiation exercise this Thursday, October 15, 2015. Thanks to Professor Pang for inviting me to join the panel of experienced practitioners, and thanks to the students and other panel members for the insights they provided. Negotiation models are of keen interest to me, and I appreciate the opportunity to speak on this topic with an interested and engaged group.
In particular, I referred the students to approaches detailed in two books I have found helpful:
1.) “Getting To Yes: Negotiation Agreement Without Giving In” by Roger Fisher and William Uri; and
2.) “So, What’s Your Proposal?” by Bill Eddy.
I have been fortunate to have been invited to participate two years in a row.
*Author: Justin L. Sturdivant, Esq.
I regularly answer questions online related to divorce, paternity, support, and custody, and am glad to offer guidance to pro se parties.
I am fortunate to receive a “Superb” rating from my peers, former clients, and users of Avvo. Thank you for your positive comments.
Earlier this week I had the privilege of volunteering for the KHON Action Line, as a participant in Law Week, and took questions from KHON viewers on the subjects of divorce, custody, and support, with regard to both divorce and paternity actions. This was my third year to participate, and I really enjoyed the opportunity to answer family law questions. I was joined by FLS members Elizabeth and John, and glad for their company and expertise. I look forward to joining them again next year.
KHON provides a summary of the event here:
Hawaii attorneys to provide free legal help in Action Line Law Week
*Author: Justin L. Sturdivant, Esq. 2014 Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hawaii State Bar Association
Our regular monthly FLS meeting will be held Wednesday, May 7, 2014 from 12:00 pm to 1:30 pm, at the Hawaii Supreme Court. Our guest speakers will be attorneys Rebecca Copeland and Peter Esser, on the topic “Family Court Appeals.” This presentation is organized in conjunction with the Appellate Law section, and members from both organizations will be present. FLS will petition the HSBA for approval of 1.25 VCLE hours. Because the meeting will occur in the Supreme Court building, members should anticipate and allow enough time to pass through security.
Our complete meeting schedule can be viewed at the FLS website: www.hawaiifamilylawsection.org
*Author: Justin L. Sturdivant, Esq. 2014 Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hawaii State Bar Association
I’ve published and circulated the most recent January 2014 Family Law Section (FLS) Newsletter. If you are an active member of the FLS, you should have received a copy via email, at the beginning of last week; otherwise the Newsletter is available to you at the FLS website: http://www.hawaiifamilylawsection.org/newsletters/. Contact my office if you need current log-in credentials (available to all current members).
*Author: Justin L. Sturdivant, Esq. 2014 Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hawaii State Bar Association
Difficult Questions Kids Ask About Divorce, by authors Scheider and Zuckerberg, is a handy book that provides insight to typical responses by children experiencing their parent’s divorce. The book is well organized, and clearly written. In particular, I found the section contrasting what kids literally say, with what kids likely mean, to be something I think all divorcing parents would benefit from reading. This book effectively analyses divorce from the perspective of the child. This book is accessible to the lay reader, but would be useful to family court professionals as well.
In particular, I found the following insights helpful:
- Children can only understand what their age allows.
- Children have trouble articulating their feelings.
- Children are too frightened to ask the most painful questions.
- Parents may be reluctant to listen.
- When children do ask questions, their feelings may be denied.
- Children fear their questions will hurt or anger their parents.
- Some fathers are not practiced in addressing certain problems.
- Children find solace in magical thinking.
What a child says may not be congruent with what they are actually feeling (fear):
- “I’m afraid of being alone” becomes, in a divorce, “I’m being left alone.”
- “I hope the bad guys go away” becomes, in a divorce, “The bad guys are going to get me.”
- “If I do something bad, will you still love me?” becomes, in a divorce, “Did I send mommy/daddy away?”
- “I wish I were smarter, prettier, faster” becomes, in a divorce, “I’m not good enough to make you stay.”
A custody litigant may be inclined to hear only what they want to hear, and children my be reluctant to express their fears and questions, but an observant parent by being aware of their child’s underlying fears, and their developmental limitations, may be able to put their child at ease.
- Facilitate conversation;
- Listen to Words and More;
- Respond with Empathy.
*Author: Justin L. Sturdivant, Esq. 2014 Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hawaii State Bar Association
[originally posted 2-16-14, edited 4-3-14]
